Wow. It has been almost a year since I last posted on my blog! I didn't realize it had been that long. I'm not even going to try to catch up, but I would like to start blogging again. I want to remember all of the little things about this time of life with my kids. I've found it's too easy to forget.Callie
A couple of weeks ago at preschool, the teacher asked each of the kids what they want to be when they grow up. I knew what Callie has said she wants to be, but I was curious to see if that desire would hold up when she had to share that in a group setting or if she would be swayed. The kids before her said they wanted to be a doctor, a dentist, a superhero. Then the teacher asked Callie. Callie sat up a little taller and confidently stated, "I want to be a mommy." I was so proud of her in that moment! Proud that she did not get caught up in the flashy and exciting answers of her peers.
For a while now she has been telling me she wants to be a mommy when she grows up. I am sometimes surprised that with everything she sees and experiences, that's her heart's desire. A lot of the past year I have not felt like a very good mom. While I was pregnant I was so moody, sick, and tired. Many times my kids did not see my best self. Since having Clara, making that hard adjustment that occurs after each new baby, I have often been at wits' end. I am frequently completely overwhelmed and often lose my patience.
While trying to get Clara back to sleep in the wee hours of this morning, I came across a pin on Pinterest with the caption "Are you a builder or a bulldozer?" I instantly felt awful about all the times lately I have been more of a bulldozer to Callie. I kept blaming all of her poor behavior on her, but I think I am the root of the problem. As happens frequently as a mother, I will just have to move forward from this point, working toward change with the help of my Savior. I'm still learning how to be a mother to my children and I don't know that that learning is ever done.
Despite all of that, I am so glad that Callie is learning the importance of motherhood at such a young age. Part of it is also her personality. She is naturally very nurturing. She is intuitive and compassionate. I am so amazed by the person she already is and the person she is becoming.
